Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
