My room smells like vodka and shame
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
