I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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