I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize