worst night to have a conscience
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
This couple is walking their pig around campus
last night I used snow as a chaser
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
