Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
