The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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