So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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