we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
