i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
