I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
grandma shit on top of the toilet
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
