what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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