I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
