neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
