you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
