He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
