Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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