I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
