There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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