I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize