I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Randomize
