Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
How naked do you want me to be?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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