i don't like sucking hair
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize