Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
