no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
