if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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