vagina is talking i cant
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
