there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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