You're my little dorito
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
