woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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