Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
