this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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