The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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