never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
third nipple confirmed
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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