YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
