Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
