I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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