3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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