Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
zippers are such a cool invention
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
