her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
