The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
