living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
