Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
