and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
