i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
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