took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You ruined the universe
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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