So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
