We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
