there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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