I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
