I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
