he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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