While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
