good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
