Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
