I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
