Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
