I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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