I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
