My first STD was from a foam party
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I skipped work to stalk him.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize