if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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