Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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