Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
