imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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