Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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