his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The adults are the big ones right?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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