Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
