where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
