I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
